It is true. Motherhood is a beautiful thing to experience. It takes us to cloud-nine highs and emotional lows that we never thought were humanly possible. It stretches us in more ways than one and leaves us in total awe of the invaluable little lives we’re surrounded by. But something beautiful is seen as beautiful because the opposite exists. Light is light because we know what darkness is. Peace is a gift when you’ve experienced the valleys of anxiety. Amid earthly difficulty, we know we have hope in our heavenly home. So, it is with the motherhood journey. When motherhood is hard, and it takes every fiber of our beings to put one foot in front of the other, we can walk onward in joy despite our current circumstances, knowing that, as author Abbie Halberstadt commonly says, “Hard is not the same thing as bad.”
What is Joy?
The concept of Christ-centered joy always threw me for a loop. It left me slightly confused and unsure if I could genuinely attain it or if there was something else I had to do to get it. It’s as if I saw it as an accessory rather than something that was deeply and intentionally cultivated. Was it happiness? Was it plastering an emotionless smile on my face day in and day out? I recall thinking that if I had to live with a Pollyanna personality and “be glad” 27/7, I would definitely be done for!
But oh, how wrong I was. Praise God that he sticks with us in our immaturity and beckons us rather than walk away. Joy is so much more profound than what I ever believed. As John Piper defines it, “Christian joy is a good feeling in the soul, produced by the Holy Spirit, as he causes us to see the beauty of Christ in the word and the world.” Let’s see how this looks when motherhood is difficult.
5 Ways to Experience Joy When Motherhood is Hard:
1. Pursuing Time in Scripture
Oh, friend, this one feels more like climbing a mountain than sitting by quiet waters! So many factors can feel like they are against us as we pursue this essential habit. Sleepless nights, pregnancy nausea, sick children, relationships, daily tasks and responsibilities, work, and extra-curricular activities are all things that we can easily fill up our schedules. Happiness might be gained, but is unshaken joy the fruit? These are all good things, but we should never compromise time with the very best thing.
I remember reading an article in the throws of post-partum that compared reading God’s Word to how we eat food. We don’t deprive ourselves of nutritious food because we don’t have time for it. So it is with time spent in Scripture. We cannot go without it. Choosing to do so until we reach a season of life that is less busy will not only leave us spiritually deprived but will also leave us unarmed and unequipped to run the race that God has for us.
Thankfully, it isn’t about the quantity of time but the quality of that time. Motherhood is hard, and any amount of Scripture “digested” will be more nutritious in the long run than completely going without it. He can do more through one simple verse than what we could do in a lifetime. The entirety of our faith culminates in daily, small steps of obedience. And joy will always follow that. We can be sure of it. When was the last time you read God’s Word and felt angry and depressed? My guess is that’s never happened! And there’s a reason for that. Joy is always produced through the Holy Spirit as we pursue a relationship with God through reading Truth.
2. Time in Prayer
I have struggled to cultivate this habit for as long as I can remember. If this is you, too, you aren’t alone. Motherhood and a consistent prayer life have often felt like oil and water. So, how do we exactly do this? When I think of prayer, I first think of Jesus in the Gospels. He often withdrew to a quiet place to be with the Father. As a mama of 3 young kiddos, my only issue with the “quiet place” part is that, when I do so, I’m not only found by my Heavenly Father but also by my wonderful children. So, time in prayer can get difficult. I think we’ve all been there, whether we are mamas or not!
Thankfully, prayers can be prayed in any circumstance and any environment. When I manage to be up in the wee hours of the morning before the day’s hustle begins, speaking my prayers out loud has been a huge blessing; it keeps me awake and focused on what I am praying about. Other times, when a child creeps down the stairs before sunrise, I write my prayers in a journal. Both ways are intentional and leave me refreshed through meeting with my Creator.
Spending any amount of time in prayer always leaves me in awe and wonder at the fact that I get to be in communication with God. My soul feels settled and not so heavy. It feels free to release and rest in the arms of a sovereign God. Whether gentle whispers are spoken in the quiet of the morning or the clanging of dishes being washed accompanies desperate cries, not one word is missed by a God who gently leads those who have young.
3. Gathering With Fellow Believers
Several years ago, the idea of church and gathering with other believers did not settle well with me because of the hurt that my family experienced within it. Yet I knew that no matter what I felt, it was still something that God called us to be a part of. Despite our experiences, the church was still God’s idea, and his ideas are always good. He ultimately orchestrated it as a vessel for his glory and our joy as we navigate life together as believers. So, to this day, onward we go. Gathering, grieving, letting go, trusting, and walking in faith. When we are obedient, joy follows. Remember, we aren’t looking for a toxic “be glad” personality that refuses to recognize the hard but a sweet, happy settlement of the soul produced through the Holy Spirit amid hardship.
When we turn the lens, we see how vital gathering is when motherhood is hard. So much refreshment is experienced, and I’ve often asked myself why. What about attending church refreshes us? It’s a marvelous mystery. Just getting there can be comparable to another world war; there are usually people we don’t know well, and how often have we worried about our babies crying their lungs out in the nursery? These are all things that have weighed on me. Yet, God was always faithful. With every church service attended, every precious conversation shared, and every song sung in unison with fellow believers, unbeknownst to me, my soul drank deeply from the living water that was abundantly poured out. Truly, God knows how to take care of his children best.
4. Finding Rhythms that Bring You Joy
We all love our children and know their lives are nothing short of a miracle, but it takes intentional work every day that leaves us fulfilled, exhausted, weary, joyful, and everything in between. It’s why I was determined, as a stay-at-home, to create rhythms that not only made sense for my family but also ones I enjoyed and made me happy! Happiness isn’t a sinful pursuit when done with pure motives, and so often, within the realm of Christianity, it is made out to be just that. Sometimes, we need to chill out and realize that: “Happy are the people whose God is the Lord.” (Psalm 144:15). If you are a Christian and apart from the depths of suffering, you aren’t happy; something must change! That’s where I found myself several years ago, and I didn’t want to stay there.
So, I took a deep inventory of my everyday life at home with my children. What parts of it needed to be adjusted? What was working well? Were there things I needed to eliminate altogether? These were a few of the questions I asked myself. Here are a few changes I made:
Daily Rhythms That Have Brought Me Joy:
- I typically got mad when my “quiet time” with the Lord wasn’t quiet. So, instead of fuming over it, I realized that my Bible reading could be done with my children instead of viewing them as an inconvenience. Yes, this was hard and still can be, but I often think this is how I want my kids to remember me: Bible in one hand and coffee in the other!
- I turned off the TV, put the clutter of toys away, and got outside. I’ve never regretted this. We are always happier after getting fresh air!
- Allocating time for quiet and solitude with older children. I often felt pressure to entertain my kids, but it’s not as important as I once thought! Every day in the afternoon, my two oldest are in their rooms doing a quiet activity. This doesn’t always go smoothly, but for the most part, it allows time for their busy brains to rest and for Mama to enjoy a much-needed mental break.
These daily rhythms bring me joy in the grand scheme of things. What works for my family might not be what works for yours. Either way, I encourage you to look at what your days consist of. Are the patterns within your control cultivating joy and happiness during seasons when motherhood is hard?
5. Keeping An Eternal Perspective
I wish, when I was pregnant with my first baby, that someone would have told me that keeping an eternal perspective while in the throws of motherhood was absolutely vital. I cannot even scratch the surface of how much I’ve relied on this perspective shift. So much of life is hard. We know, as Christians, that hardship should be expected as we sojourn through life. We aren’t immune to it, and neither can we escape it. Despite that, the scripture that I consistently turn to is Revelation 21: “Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
The struggles we have and the hard we’re experiencing aren’t forever. In fact, compared to eternity, it is such a small fragment of time. Our tears and our pain will surely pass away. Standing in the presence of God, we will worship Him forever with perfect & unhindered joy.
He Will Do It
Several days ago, I recall thinking about how much I wanted to do for God. The number of people I want to pray for consistently, the daily joy I want to choose to walk in, and the Scripture I want to memorize. It all sounds like the right stuff, but oh, how poorly I live up to it. The Spirit gently reminded me that none of this is up to my delivery of it. He is the doer, sustainer, and finisher. I’m simply the imperfect vessel it is done through.
As we put effort towards walking in joy when motherhood is hard, let’s be confident of this: “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever.” We can take great joy in this truth because He who began the good work in our souls will perfectly bring it to completion, and oh, what a day that will be!
Thank you for joining me again on The Soulfull Family blog! As always, I pray it encourages you and reminds you that you aren’t alone as you navigate motherhood. We truly are in this together! If you missed February’s blog post, you can find it here.
Always so good and such a fresh perspective! 🥰